It’s Such a Damn Shame Matthew Perry’s Dead: But What is Our Business With It?

By Jeneane Vanderhoof

I do not watch or read much about the life of the stars I watch on television. Even though I may love their work on large or small (television) screens, the drama that goes on in their reality- seems to me, their own business and not mine.

It may have been all those rags my grandma purchased and read, and then I did too (from the age of nine to about sixteen)- like National Enquirer, The Globe, and Star, among other tabloids I don’t remember (and couldn’t easily find named with a Google search, the plethora of information to search through)- I was always amazed at the amount of money she spent each week on them (along with how fast she read them). While I was young, they were entertaining but when I was at the age to realize much of what was in them (if not all), wasn’t true, they lost their pizzazz, at least for me- never grandma. (However, she did start to read better literature, all Amish stories, really, when she got older).

Now that I’m older and those who are famous, most of their life is of little interest (as I have too much going on in my own life in a day). But, when they die, it hits me in a way that almost amazes me. How can I feel this way about a person I never met?

Though, when Betty White died, she was, in a small way, that was personal to me. Throughout my forty years on the earth, I had written to her twice- once asking for an autographed picture of her for me, and another time, later, when I helped my son write her a letter and ask for the same. We then mailed the letters to her home address (which was listed on the Internet and quite easy to find) and she promptly sent an autographed 8 x 10 photo of herself signed and at her own cost. How do you not love a famous person who cares that much about her fans?

To me, if anyone had been gifted, by God, to live forever, it would have been Betty White. How she kept going on with life, making new sitcoms and carrying them for years- that woman seemed Superhuman to me but also grounded in the way she had dealt with me, as a lifelong fan. Of course, I mourned her death

and will miss all those movies that would have been better with her in them.

If you are like me and not very interested in their life and their “shenanigans” that others may want to read about (thus, the rise of the tabloid and their existence, still)- you still appreciate what they give you for entertainment purposes (as I do). Because living as a human on earth- we definitely need entertainment, no matter the luxuries in our lives, or even if our lives are easy.

Because everyone has stress. And entertainment is an outlet that can help to get rid of a small part of it. Whether we’re laughing or crying, all that matters is we are outside our own lives, if only for an hour (or a sitcom, when they still make them).

And that brings me to the newly deceased, Matthew Perry. Not only did I love him in Friends (which I didn’t watch til it was over for a decade, season after season on DVD- one after the other), but I also loved The Whole Nine Yards, which paired him up with Bruce Willis- which I believe, sequel with The Whole Ten Yards. (Why do I want to believe there was an Eleven Yards, I think I am mixing that up with the Ocean’s Eleven series and how it went on for quite a while). But, I could have watched 11–20 Yards, so entertained by the two on-screen- whatever others say about the two movies.

And it wasn’t that I felt this way because there were things I have heard about his life I felt I could relate to- the reason I was such a big fan of his was because I too struggled with addiction in my life)- it was his acting. Like the on-screen team, he was a part of on Friends- Chandler and Joey and how well he brought his character to life- with the picadello he translated from script to life to perfect his character (Chandler), or the dramatics he had within his reactions to Joey and actually all the cast, situations- whatever Perry did, he did well. And all despite an addiction- quite a feat.

And now there is this “need to know” how he died. When exactly did the issues with privacy go out the window? Was it with Rock Hudson, when he died of AIDS? When it all came out he was gay- something he and his studio, agent, and the woman he married, hid for decades- only to bring “gay shame” at his end- when he could do nothing to defend his character? And really, should he have had to?

In the first place, that he could not be accepted as a proud, strong, and handsome gay man- still not be beloved and worshiped by all those who adored him- I think, says more about other people, than Hudson himself. Even after losing all his assets in his divorce, only married to provide a “beard” for him, urged by others to do (agents, studio, etc)- I am sure that it wasn’t hidden from the woman that agreed to marry him, arranged by, I believe, his agent (someone close to him)- again, says more about the duplicity of a woman who divorced him a few years later and took all he had, completely wiped him out…

So when does the public cross the line in their desire to know all? Does it really seem fair to disclose how a person, like Matthew Perry-if he died from his addiction, or actually, however he died? Shouldn’t it all remain private, and only be discloseable if there was an act of foul play in a court of law?

Or released to the public if Matthew Perry or his family agreed or agreed to have this done?

Right now- I mourn the man, Matthew Perry, the actor, who brought me such a great escape from my own life- whether on a sitcom, television show, or movie- that I will never see him again there- I feel an actual ache in my chest to know that his time is over. And why has his time on this earth come to an end- is that even my business? Do I really care? Any demons of Matthew Perry are his own, and not mine to judge or even know about. I have never walked a day in Perry’s shoes and I don’t know his whole story- how can I even start to process how he died, without personally knowing him? It all feels so intrusive- and, in a way, a little sickening.

But then one of the worst things, to me, is driving past an accident- and one of the hardest traffic pile-ups. And when you finally get to the accident (after waiting for a long time in barely moving traffic) and you see the thing holding you up is that every car slows down to watch- When have we become a society so engrossed with other people’s tragedy? And one that, when tragedy happens, most walk the other way rather than provide any kind of help (unless they stay and watch and do nothing?)

Yes, you can argue that stopping to help people in bad situations is dangerous- but you can’t be the person who stops to watch disasters and do nothing- it just doesn’t seem fair. And when it comes to an addict, intervening there can often be problematic, useless, and dangerous, albeit in a different way. But we are a society that demands to know- rather than one who reflects on a person’s life, maybe even, like Perry, his work (and art, as an actor) and just prays to God up in Heaven- that all their trials and tribulations are washed away, and everything is okay.

However Perry died, he will be missed and that’s all that matters. I will work hard not to ever hear how he died but that may be impossible- with all my time on the Internet- I will stumble over it sometime, somewhere. Knowing how he died is not important to me- the only things that are, are what I have previously mentioned- that his family is not intruded upon in their personal grief- with society’s quest “to know all” & that Perry is well remembered for the time on this earth and the enjoyment he brought to all- anything else- isn’t my business.

Note: I have really only written book reviews when it comes to my online and print media published. But with the death of Matthew Perry, I felt like writing something different, personal, and very opinionated. My writing here is more of a representation of who I am in life- with very defined mores and ideals but always trying to remain open-minded enough to shift or change them completely if something makes better sense. I look forward to seeing what the thoughts are on my shift in writing and topic on Medium- so remember to let me know, with a clap or comment if you would like more. Thank you for reading this till its end-

Happy Thinking- and hope I have provided you with something to do just that (if even just a little bit ;)